Grateful

Today is CFS/ME Awareness day. I was once very, very affected by CFS/ME, and you might say I am still in a way as I am still reestablishing life and figuring out what I want and what my limits are.  Ever since recovering I've burnt myself over and over trying to make the most of life.  I'll figure it out - I could have worse problems!

A poster I made for a CFS/ME Awareness day while I was ill.





Me one NYE when I was ill.  I could only go outside if it was dark - this is my back yard.  I was extremely sick from the effort it took to get there.  I really thought, at the time, that I looked healthy and happy in these photos.  I look so sick.




I spent, all, of my time on my bed.  I couldn't get off it.  My blinds were always closed because of my treatment (and had black plastic on them to make it completely dark), and the bulb in that lamp was only 20 watt and even then I had to wear sunglasses (I just took them off for photos).  Look at my bedside table - my whole life was on it.

It sends me shivers to think about it.  It seems like another person's life.
I actually don't remember most of it, I just know it happened.





This was my 21st birthday and this is M.  I was so, so sick.  I couldn't even sit at the table to eat a meal and M is holding me like that as it was hard to stand up for a photo.  I was so determined to dress up and look nice for my 21st - I never got a party as I couldn't handle having guests.  Some days there is no way I could have done this.  M carried me down my parent's stairs for photos.





This is as I started to recover.  My favourite thing ever was to go to the lake and feed the ducks (I still love it!), but I could only go at night.
I love that dress.

This is me a couple of months ago before my friend's wedding on web cam, blowing you a kiss and wishing you good health forever.


I really was thinking about how happy I was to be healthy when I took this shot.  I missed my best friend's wedding in 2008 because I was sick and hated it, so I was so grateful I could make it to this bestie's wedding.

So as you go about your Saturday, running around trying to get things done, holding your hung over head, complaining about the weather, making plans for tonight and whining that you've had sinusitis for so long (oh....), spare a thought for all of those people stuck at home with CFS/ME, or any chronic illness, who don't have the choice and would give their left arm to be able to experience the weather you're complaining about and be able to have a drink without it landing them in hospital.

I always think of my beautiful friend Lynn, who I knew as Jessie, on this day.
Actually, I think of her every day.  Especially when I am struggling with life.  She was amazing, despite her illness, she was a pillar of strength for her friends.  

I'll never forget where I came from.

Stay well and grateful and for goodness sake, smile!  It's not that bad.

Nat x